<strong>A team of archaeologists in Peru</strong> have discovered the remains of an Ancient Mayan site which bears striking resemblance to the Whistler Sliding Centre, The Associated Press reported early this morning. The site appears to have been the location of the <strong>2010 B.C. Winter Solstice Games</strong>, an ancient and bloody event which archaeologists believe closely resembled the modern Olympics. While historical evidence is scarce, experts believe it included events such as Human Sacrifice, Cannibalism, Shrunken Head Shot Put, Out of Body Experience Long Jump, Peyote Pole Vault, <strong>Rip the Heart from the chest of your opponent like that crazy horned guy in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom</strong> Wrestling, and oddly, Biathlon. <div class="feature-photo"><img src="http://www.sliderguide.com/images/doom_heart.jpg" width="600" class="feature-image"/><div class="photo_caption">Cover your heart indy! Cover your haaaaarrrt!"</div></div> <strong>Dr. Miles Leonard</strong>, lead Archaeologist for the discovery, spoke with SliderGuide moments before being removed from the site due to a lack of FIBT credentials. <em>"it's a significant find. To discover an exact replica of the Whistler Siding Centre, thousands of miles away in the heart of Peru, is incredible. It's also in good condition for being 4000 years old. With a lot of work, and a little funding from the United States Bobsled and Skeleton Federation, we can have the track open to all athletes before the games, ensuring a fair and level playing field in Vancouver. Otherwise, it could be another two years."</em> <p class="note"><strong>EDITOR'S NOTE:</strong> Repeated calls to USBSF management went unanswered.</p> When asked about the comparison between the two sites, Dr. Leonard insisted that this sort of replication is not uncommon. <em>"We've found Egyptian-style pyramids in Peru, and recently, we uncovered replica FIBT stamps on the runners of a Canadian woman. This happens quite frequently."</em> Access to the site is currently restricted to Archaeologists, the Australian Skeleton Team, and athletes from countries that don't begin with the letter 'C'. The <strong>Croatian skeleton team</strong> has filed a formal complaint, while there is no word yet from <strong>Cameroon</strong> or <strong>Chad</strong>. Despite meeting entry requirements, a team of <strong>Iraqi archaeologists</strong> invited from Baghdad University were denied entry at the gate for political reasons, and forced to relocate to another site several hundred miles away after retrieving their equipment and a <strong>compensatory check for $2500 dollars</strong>. Currently, the Peru track is set to open in December 2012 and will host it's <strong>first and only World Cup</strong>, as the Mayan calendar predicts the complete and utter destruction of the world shortly thereafter. There is no word on what role <strong>John Cusack</strong> is set to play in the destruction. <div class="feature-photo"><img src="http://www.sliderguide.com/images/cusack.jpg" width="600" class="feature-image"/><div class="photo_caption">At least the destruction of the world will rid us of john Cusack's acting.</div></div> <p class="note">SliderGuide would like to remind all readers that satire and parody are protected under the 1st Amendment. </p> 2009-11-11T17:58:18-06:00 false 1 25 /images/features/25/peru_bobsled.jpg The track, which has remained hidden for 4000 years, appears to be in better condition than Winterberg. Dr. Miles Leonard, lead Archaeologist for the discovery, spoke with SliderGuide moments before being removed from the site due to a lack of FIBT credentials. 2009-11-11 ancient_track_discovered

A team of archaeologists in Peru have discovered the remains of an Ancient Mayan site which bears striking resemblance to the Whistler Sliding Centre, The Associated Press reported early this morning.

79 This is an external article. 2009-03-12T19:04:33-05:00 true http://www.whistlerquestion.com/article/20090312/WHISTLER03/303129921/1030/whistler/track-records-made-to-be-broken 4 24 2009-03-12 track_records_made_to_be_broken

Whistler Sliding Centre’s culture starts to emerge as athletes, track crew share glory. An Article by Scott Roberts, Whistler Question.

/images/features/24/bilde.jpg 79 This is an external article. 2009-03-04T16:33:40-06:00 true http://www.universalsports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPID=11674&DB_OEM_ID=23000&ATCLID=3682200 4 22 2009-03-01 holcomb_wins_4_man

After 4 miles of ice Steve Holcomb drives to U.S.A's first World Championships gold medal in 50 years. Provided by UniversalSports.com

/images/features/22/vvvnutmhmmunupm.20090228175202.jpg.jpeg 1 <strong>Whistler, British Columbia</strong> - Tensions have been running high since the Whistler Sliding Center opened last March. The state-of-the-art facility has been locked down tighter than Jurassic Park in an effort to 'Own the Podium' in 2010. As recently as January, admittance to the park was granted only to those who could recite the words to the <strong>Canadian National Anthem</strong>, which excluding Canadians, is seriously 7 people. Like <strong>Guantanamo Bay</strong>, the Sliding Centre flung open its doors last week for the Skeleton World Cup, the foreplay before the big show next year in February. It was a case of sport imitating life for some competitors, resulting in 2 minutes of action followed by 45 minutes of crying. Attendance records shattered as 48 fans, 12 drunk guys who thought they were at a Flame's game, and a dude looking for a Tim Horton's poured into the park to watch 50 athletes waste thousands of dollars of their parents money. <strong>John Montgomery</strong> of Canada and <strong>Marion Trott</strong> of Germany won gold in the respective men's and women's races, while <strong>Peter Van Wees</strong> of the Netherlands and <strong>Jessica Killian</strong> of Switzerland were just happy to be there. Unfortunately, security concerns threatened to kill the mood faster than a set of German runners. US-Canadian relations were strained as hundreds of Royal Mounted Police were relocated from nearby border posts to Whistler as a precaution. Meanwhile, Al Qaedia operatives seized the opportunity to cross the border into the United States, not for terror purposes, but to obtain their very own <strong>commemorative Barack Obama collector's plate</strong>. <img src="http://www.sliderguide.com/images/barack_turban.gif" width="600" class="feature-image"/> Despite added security, a few attempts to enter the park illegally were successful. The <strong>Mexico Skeleton Team</strong>, who showed up late, unannounced, and in an El Camino, had little problem scaling the fence that surrounds the facility. Unfortunately they were not allowed to compete, and have been missing since Thursday. The final stop of the FIBT Tour will be held in Lake Placid, New York, the epicenter of sports entertainment in North America. Crowds are expected to exceed 300, 290 of which will be school children who are <strong>pumped to get out of class</strong> for a day. <p class="note">No dinosaurs were hurt during the construction of the Whistler Sliding Centre</p> 2009-02-11T19:13:09-06:00 false 1 20 /images/features/20/vancouver_jurassic.gif "Admittance to the park is granted only to those who can recite the words to the Canadian National Anthem" 2009-02-11 canadian_border_security_collapses

It's been a difficult year for athletes hoping to gain experience on the Olympic track in Vancouver. However last week, The Whistler Sliding Center cut the power on the 20 foot high electric fence surrounding the facility and welcomed athletes to the 7th stop of the FIBT World Cup Tour.

79 With the economy dropping steeper than the new Whistler track, Olympic sports are feeling the pressure to perform at higher levels on reduced budgets. Sadly, sliding athletes are often more focused on how they are going to pay their way instead of just focusing on performing. High performance is becoming synonymous with high cost, making it more difficult for athletes without deep pockets to compete. This past season the *U.S Men's Bobsled Team was only able to fund 2 World Cup Teams* for half the year while the third team was to be self funded. After the winter break only one team was sent to finish the final two European World Cup races leaving two back home to _train for World Championships_. Athletes just want to compete, and currently money is getting in the way. Ironically enough, *USOC(United States Olympic Committee) chief executive Jim Scherr* has been quoted claiming that _“they [the athletes] will be the last group to be affected.”_ Even *USBSF(United States Bobsled and Skeleton Federation) CEO Darrin Steele* says, _"We all saw the recession coming. It was a big concern for us. We rely on sponsorship dollars. That's how we pay for everything we do."_ It appears that Mr. Scherr has not been around the sliding sports or he would have realized that many athletes are barely to be able to pay luggage fees, rental cars, and lodging leaving very little (if any at all) for a coach. Athletes should also have an issue with the Darrin Steele's blaming budget constraints on a lack of sponsorship dollars even though he foresaw the economic downturn. If there was concern about a future lack of funding, then other options should have been investigated rather than just relying on conventional sponsorships to "pay for everything". Now I don't pretend to know everything that Darrin Steele and the USBSF(United States Bobsled and Skeleton Federation) has done, nor is it my goal to bash him on how things running things, but it is apparent that what has been done is not working. My point is just that in this economy we need to look at changing the status quo and find ways outside of conventional sponsorships to fund these sports. The economy isn't just squeezing individual sports either - it has forced both the *Vancouver and London Organizing Committees* to revamp budgets for hosting the next two Olympic games. On January 21 the VOC(Vancouver Olympic Committee) completely redid their budget because of difficulty over finding sponsorships. The London organizing committee has already been forced to deal with a £40m loss because of the bankruptcy of major sponsor Nortel. Although not a primary concern of the athletes, it still appears that the focus of competition and sportsmanship of the Olympics is being overshadowed by the bill associated with it. I mentioned above that the status quo needed to be changed - so how can we change the way these sports are funded? # *Look for smaller sponsorships* - Some companies just can't justify spending a lot of money in this economy, but that is no reason to reject their offer. Even a smaller deal could help fund athlete lodging, food or even transportation during the season. # *Ask for services rather than money* - This may be just finding a metal shop that will do a certain amount of welding for free. Or perhaps organizing a deal with an airline such that all overweight fees are waived. This can take very little out of the pocket of the company, but would be a great help to the athletes. # *Produce a product* - Host corporate events, give motivational speeches, etc. Perhaps even a sexy speed suit calendar? # *Be creative* - Conventional sponsorships may not be the way to go. The British Olympic Team is a great example by using its national lottery to fund a the teams. See "Secrets to Surviving the Recession":http://www.thebusinessofsports.com/2008/12/29/secrets-to-surviving-the-recession for more ideas. Now I know many of the examples given were for the U.S but this is a global problem and it isn't just the U.S team that is struggling. Also many of the above suggestions would require support not just from the individual sports but also from the national olympic committees. Rather than waiting for the poor economy to pass like thunderstorm we all need to become more proactive and work towards new ways of funding our sports. h4. Sources: "The Big Question: Is the economic downturn going to blight the 2012 London Olympics?":http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/olympics/the-big-question-is-the-economic-downturn-going-to-blight-the-2012-london-olympics-1380368.html "A recession of Olympic proportions":http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/industry/4284439/A-recession-of-Olympic-proportions.html "Organizers revise 2010 Olympics budget in face of economic slowdown":http://www.cbc.ca/sports/amateur/story/2009/01/21/bc-vanoc-sponsorship-revised-budget.html "For U.S.O.C., Sponsorships Become a Challenge":http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/12/sports/olympics/12olympics.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&sq=juliet%20macur%20olympic%20sponsor&st=cse&scp=1 "Recession hits home for U.S. Ski Team":http://blog.seattletimes.nwsource.com/olympics/2009/01/13/recession_hits_home_for_us_ski.html "U.S. bobsledders endure economic woes":http://www.universalsports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=95677&SPID=11674&DB_OEM_ID=23000&ATCLID=3644124 2009-02-03T10:13:17-06:00 false 1 19 /images/features/19/sliding_recession.png How do we "stop the bleeding" of the sliding economy? "They [the athletes] will be the last group to be affected." ~ Jim Scherr USOC chief executive 2009-02-04 sports_struggle_in_poor_economy

Sports are commonly seen as recession proof, but the struggling economy has proven much more challenging for the smaller Olympic sports such as bobsled, skeleton and luge.

/images/features/19/sliding_recession_thumb.png 1 This is an external article 2009-03-03T11:07:22-06:00 true http://www.universalsports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=95677&SPID=11674&DB_OEM_ID=23000&ATCLID=3644124 4 21 2009-01-12 bobsled_endure_economic_woes

The U.S. Bobsled and Skeleton Federation (USBSF) has felt the strain of the economy forcing it to send only one men's bobsled to the final two European World Cup competitions rather than three. Provided by UniversalSports.com

/images/features/21/ouqzbnadqmncfsn.20081219160633.jpg.jpeg 1 *LONG ISLAND, NY* -- The entire male population of Long Island became ill after drinking counterfeit Muscle Milk produced in China, according to local authorities. Although the tainted milk has been sold in other parts of the country, the men of Long Island were particularly hard hit, as Muscle Milk makes up nearly 100% of their daily nutrition. Sufferers complained of severe intestinal pain; *US Skeleton athlete and Long Island resident John Daly* said, "I drank my Muscle Milk before doing my fuckin' deadlifts, but my stomach started hurtin' real bad, bro." The mayor of Long Island held a press conference from his hospital bed, and tried to reassure male residents: "I know you feel like shit right now, but the docs told me this one won't be as bad as that shit with the Red Bull last year." FDA officials say it's possible that spray-on tanning products, used by all Long Island residents, may have also interacted with the poison Milk, inducing additional toxic side effects. 2008-12-16T21:15:58-06:00 false 1 18 /images/features/18/guidos.jpg Long Island residents hours before the effects of the counterfeit Muscle Milk I know you feel like shit right now, but the docs told me this one won't be as bad as that shit with the Red Bull last year. 2008-12-17 tainted_muscle_milk_sickens_long_island

Massive consumption of counterfeit Muscle Milk causes an epidemic throughout Long Island.

/images/features/18/musclemilkthumb.jpg 263 Being the world's fastest man has its perks, including a few Olympic medals, endorsement deals, and the ability to rub victory in your opponents faces 15 meters before the finish line. But is there a chance we could see Bolt in a bobsled for the <strong>2010 Winter Olympics</strong>? One website seems to think so. <a href="http://www.bolt4bobsled.com">Bolt4Bobsled.com</a> is a site dedicated to giving him a spot on the Jamaican bobsled team. They've created their own <a href="http://www.facebook.com/n/?group.php&gid=82165300053">Facebook Group</a> and they have a petition available online. Would it help or hurt Jamaica having the world's fastest man on their team? We all remember how well that worked out for them in Cool Runnings. What's next, a petition to resurrect John Candy? <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/55cB3d9ULyw&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/55cB3d9ULyw&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> <p class="note"><strong>We want to hear from you</strong>. Would Usain Bolt be a good addition to the Jamaican Bobsled Team in 2010?</p> 2008-11-14T10:26:12-06:00 false 3 17 /images/features/17/usainmain.jpg Usain Bolt winning the Olympic Gold medal in the 100m Being the world's fastest man has its perks, including a few Olympic medals, endorsement deals, and the ability to rub victory in your opponents faces 15 meters before the finish line. 2008-11-14 bolt_for_bobsled

Could the world's fastest man have a future in bobsledding?

/images/features/17/usainthumb.jpg 79 Native American <strong>Orville "Talks to Ice" Garrett, Head Chief of the USBSF Committee on Indian Sliding Affairs</strong>, has announced today that he will be taking a brief leave of absence from his head coaching position to undertake a Vision Quest. Normally a pre-pubescent rite of passage, the Vision Quest is a spiritual, multi-day journey into the woods during which the participant convenes with nature, uncovers sacred sliding knowledge, and <strong>establishes at least two low-budget casinos</strong>. Garrett, who is 25% full-blooded Native American, will enter the Adirondack woods this Friday, just prior to the start of the 2009 World Cup Tour. While normally conducted under the influence of hallucinogenic plants, Garrett's vision quest will be fueled by the fire water called Corona, and will be sponsored in part by <strong>Mohawk Casino</strong>, the "North Country's Favorite Playground." Typical Vision Quests cost approximately 5000 Wampum, roughly equal to the price of a single Davenport runner. 6th year development slider Kyle "Crosses the Line" Tress gave SliderGuide the following comment "It's awesome. Every day I see him just lying face down on the ice, whispering to it or something. It's inspiring to know our head coach has such a deep connection with nature and shit." During his tenure as Head Skeleton Chief, Orville has passed the peace pipe with numerous rival nations, including the Navajo, Apache, and Canadian tribes. If successful, his sacred knowledge will be shared with all interested parties in the Algonquin room at the Olympic Training Center. 2008-11-12T09:36:10-06:00 false 1 16 /images/features/16/orvieheaddress.jpg Garrett Returning from the Smoke Lodge in this undated photo Garrett's vision quest will be fueled by the fire water called Corona, and will be sponsored in part by Mohawk Casino, the "North Country's Favorite Playground" 2008-11-12 vision_quest

USA Head Skeleton Chief Orvie Garrett leaves the comfort of the US Olympic Training Center this friday to undergo a Vision Quest in the hopes of uncovering sacred sliding knowledge.

/images/features/16/visionquestthumb.jpg 79 <strong>The stress of the upcoming season</strong> may have been too much for a Lake Placid man to handle this afternoon. The victim, whose name is currently being withheld, was preparing for the upcoming World Cup Tour by completing several "mind runs" in his home at the Olympic Training Center in Upstate New York. Sources at the scene of the mental-meltdown tell us just seconds before the accident, the victim was boasting loudly about the quantity and quality of his mind runs, remarking how he had just completed his 180th mental trip down the dangerous Cortina Track and had just broken the record for the fastest speed recorded on a skeleton sled at 212 mph. <strong>Then tragedy struck</strong>. "We heard, like, all these girly screams coming from his room." Witnesses told us earlier today. "We thought he cut his legs shaving or something, but he started talking all demonic, like that crazy bitch from the exorcist". The victim was rushed to <strong>Adirondack Medical Center</strong>, and is expected to be released later tonight or tomorrow. The hospital refused comment, only indicating that the man has been strictly prohibited from taking mind runs on the Cortina track for at least 4 - 6 weeks. There is no word on whether or not this includes mental runner sanding, mental dynamic warmups, or mental truck rides to the top of the mountain. While mental preparation is a normal part of competition, some athletes take it too far. <strong>Judge Carl Banks of the Institute for Advanced Sports Psychology</strong> in Bel-Air is a world renowned expert on physical, mental, and oral stimulation. It's not uncommon for athletes to want to stimulate themselves all night long especially after consuming alcohol. These men and women are thrusting their minds right to pinnacle, sometimes for as long as 2 minutes, 3 times a day. Too much independent thinking is simply not good for the body." Dr. Banks advises athletes to start slowly and build intensity, before ultimately reaching the climax of the run. "Mental stimulation is a natural part of competition, but you mustn't do it too often and certainly not the night before a race." Dr. Banks warns that doing so could lead to decreased performance and risk injury to the lower frontal lobes. <p class="note">if you experience headache, fever, or mental stimulation lasting more than 4 hours call your doctor right away.</p> 2008-10-01T00:38:59-05:00 false 3 15 /images/features/15/homer_sander.jpg Our good friend <strong>Sander</strong> on the exit of Kreisel. D'oh! "We heard, like, all these girly screams coming from his room, We thought he cut his legs shaving or something" 2008-10-01 cortina_mind_run_crash

A pre-season mind run at the Cortina Bob/Skeleton track went horribly wrong this afternoon, sending a local man to the hospital with severe impairment to his frontal lobes.

/images/features/15/sander_thumb.jpg 79 <strong>Friends and Fellow Athletes:</strong> It's a pleasure to welcome you back to SliderGuide. Sorry you have to sign up again, but things didn't turn out exactly as expected. When we launched SliderGuide 18 months ago, we didn't really know what to expect. The site was a pinch of Facebook, a dash of <a href="http://www.skeletonsport.com">SkeletonSport</a>, with a bit of <a href="http://www.theonion.com">The Onion</a> thrown in for flavor. We had no clear vision, only a few ideas and a lot of ammunition. However one thing was clear. There is need of an outlet in our community, one that isn't regulated by governing bodies or fueled by anything but a pure love of sliding and a 4-pack of Red Bull. It's well known that we like to poke fun and spoof the ridiculous things that happen in the community, but the truth is we take sliding very seriously. Our guiding principle is that <strong>in the year 2008, it's no longer acceptable to rely on the ideas, methods, and practices of yesterday</strong>. Today we are relaunching with renewed purpose. I'd like to formally re-introduce you to SliderGuide, a media site dedicated to the sliding sports. It's an idea as foolhardy as it is ambitious, and therein lies the fun. I'm not going to talk too much about the changes we've made. You can learn about that by poking around, Instead, i want to focus on a few key points, and then let you get back to sanding (suckers). <ol> <li><strong>We made it legit</strong>. SliderGuide is officially legal, LLC-style. We did this so that we can write all kinds of offensive things, make millions with insider trading, and guarantee a slander lawsuit somewhere down the line. I also hear there might be tax benefits. Something tells me business lunch has been moved to 9 p.m. wednesday night at Wiseguys. </li> <li><strong>We're expanding</strong>. We're increasing the amount and type of content you'll see on the site. Articles, interviews, tips, and much more. </li> <li><strong>We've added help</strong>. You'll see some new writers this season. Everyone is welcome to contribute or pitch ideas. We'll have a user-contributed section shortly. </li> </ol> Today is just the first step. Over the coming weeks we'll be releasing additional features and making tweaks. You can help by <a href="http://sliderguide.com/contact_us?msg_type=Bug+Report">reporting bugs</a>, adding event pictures, making comments, posting items to the marketplace, and spreading the word. As always, best of luck to you this season, and I'll see you at the bar. (I'll be the guy wearing the ribbon for 11th) Viva La France, Kyle Tress <p class="note">P.S. Chris insists I mention that if the site breaks, it's not his fault. I insist you take it out on him anyway.</p> 2008-09-28T04:21:16-05:00 false 1 14 /images/features/14/guyfawkes.jpg The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous - <strong>V For Vendetta</strong> "There is need of an outlet in our community, one that isn't regulated by governing bodies or fueled by anything but a pure love of sliding and a 4-pack of Red Bull. " 2008-09-28 message_from_kyle_tress

As we begin the 2008/2009 Season, we would like to formally re-introduce you to SliderGuide.

/images/features/14/messagethumb.jpg 79 <strong>Matt Antoine</strong> of Praire Du Chien, Wisconsin might have bitten off more than he can chew this weekend when he claimed the Intercontinental Title in Lake Placid, New York. He must now defend his title against former WWE superstar <strong>The Ultimate Warrior</strong> in a no-holds barred cage match in Austin, Texas next month at Wrestlemania. The match, scheduled for Wrestlemania XXX, is the first crossover sporting event between Professional Wrestling and Skeleton. "We see a lot of potential in teaming up with USA Bobsled and Skeleton" said WWE spokesman Pat Williams. "We are especially excited to get our athletes in the ring with the most electrifying man in sliding entertainment, Matt Antoine". Unfortunately for Mr. Antoine, he is still subject to USADA and WADA testing at the event, preventing him from gaining 100 pounds of muscle prior to facing the Ultimate Warrior. Instead, he will rely on his sheer good looks, boyish charm, and unparalled martial arts ability to defend his title. Live coverage of the event will be available on SliderGuide.com. 2008-09-27T01:27:10-05:00 false 1 7 /images/features/7/ultimate_warrior.jpg This is what happens when you take steroids. Photo Source: "We are especially excited to get our athletes in the ring with the most electrifying man in sliding entertainment, Matt Antoine" 2008-09-27 antoine_named_ic_champ

Matt Antoine of Praire Du Chien, Wisconsin might have bitten off more than he can chew this weekend when he claimed the Intercontinental Title in Lake Placid, New York. He must now defend his title against former WWE superstar the "Ultimate Warrior"

/images/features/7/warrior_thumb.jpg 79 <strong>Like a swarm of frightened Japanese fleeing Godzilla</strong>, Eric Bernotas ran away with the race on Saturday for the third World Cup victory of his career. Eric-san's first heat time of 54.74 earned him a new track record, while current world cup leader Zach Lund took the silver over Masaru Inada. Inada's second heat downtime of 55.44 (fastest of the heat) promoted him 7 spots for a bronze medal finish. Heavy snow plagued Chris Hedquist and Caleb Smith as they slid to 9th and 13th places respectively. Despite such unfortunate circumstances, they both insist they "Likey the track long time" and for "15 dollar, give it every-ting" next time they compete there. On the women's side, Katie Uhlaendher won her 4th straight World Cup this season. The silver medal went to the "Thunder from down under", Michelle Steele, who edged 3rd place finisher Courtney Yamada-san by .08 seconds. In 6th was Noelle Pikus Pace, followed in 12th by Bree Boyer Schaaf. The team will now travel back to the United States, hop on a bus to Canada, fly back to Japan, swim to mainland Asia, pick up some Cambodian orphans, drop off the Cambodian orphans in Hollywood, take a steamboat to Africa, build a house in Kenya, and finally arrive in Igls, Austria in time for 2 practice heats, exhausted and wondering who booked these ridiculous plane tickets. "Don't worry guys!" an anonymous source told us. "I hear it's a driver's track!!". <p class="note">The World Cup circuit continues next week in Igls Austria.</p> 2008-09-27T02:41:17-05:00 false 1 12 /images/features/12/godzilla.jpg Ruh-roh. 2008-09-27 mxc_nagano

Eric Bernotas and Katie Uhlaendar avoid Godzilla and manage to win the Nagano World Cup.

/images/features/12/nagano_thumb.jpg 79 An unusually warm summer in St. Moritz, Switzerland has <strong>turned the winter wonderland into a hotbed of concern</strong> for the FIBT. An official statement received today read as follows. "We, the people of the FIBT, do hereby decree that World Championships may be delayed due to unseasonably warm weather, an unfinished track, and the failure of the United States to sign the Kyoto Protocol." Pictures from the site show a partially constructed track, with melting corners and half-frozen straights. Ironically, the only curve fully completed at this time is "Sunny". As expected, the FIBT offered several possible solutions, including a one curve race, or a 'Cresta World Championship'. However, the necessary <strong>100 Million dollars required to join the St. Moritz Tobogganing Club</strong> could only be paid by team Canada. A small nations protest concluded "They've won enough stuff already". Thankfully, it appears the race will indeed be held as scheduled, thanks in part to a large shipment of ice imported from the polar caps. A spokesman for the track told us "We are grateful that this large chunk of ice broke off the cap" 'and let's be serious, do we really need an ice cap anyway"? Although it seems disaster has been averted this time, the long-term effects of global warming have yet to be explored within the skeleton community. SliderGuide spoke to a government official, who ensured us it is simply the result of cows farting, and the situation was being dealt with immediately. 2008-09-27T02:17:26-05:00 false 1 9 /images/features/9/cows.jpg The mystery surrounding global warming has finally been solved. "We are grateful that this large chunk of ice broke off the cap. Let's be serious, do we really need an ice cap anyway?" 2008-09-26 world_champs_2007

St. Moritz, Switzerland - An unusually warm summer in St. Moritz, Switzerland has turned the onetime "winter wonderland" into a hotbed of concern for the FIBT.

/images/features/9/al_gore.jpg 79 Another snowy day of racing couldn't deter 14 men and 13 women the chance to earn the title of "Summer Rank Champion". <strong>Stokes Aitken</strong> led the mens field after two rounds, with a solid "paper" on his first throw, followed by a surprise "rock" on his second to defeat <strong>John Daly</strong>. In third was <strong>Kyle Tress</strong>, who was not awarded the bronze, but took home a medal for "worst attitude in the start house" instead. It was believed he would receive the "best vision in the start house" award, as he was able to confirm that Stokes did indeed pop the groove on his second heat, despite the fact that he was standing in the outrun when it happened. However, the "best vision" award went instead to the USBSF for superb leadership. The women's side was won by <strong>Katie Koczynski</strong>, whose "scissor" in heat one was strong enough to defeat a "paper" by second place finisher <strong>Rebecca Sorensen</strong>. In third was <strong>Annie O'Shea</strong>, whose use of the "Cherry Bomb" was controversial, but ultimately approved by judges. The official Rock Paper Skeleton tour will continue next fall at Team Trials. 2008-09-27T02:29:25-05:00 false 1 10 /images/features/10/rps.jpg Rock Paper Scissor. If it was in the Olympics, you'd quit sliding this second In third was Annie O'Shea, whose use of the "Cherry Bomb" was controversial, but ultimately approved by judges. 2008-09-26 Rock-Paper-Scissor_decides_summer_rank_for_US_athletes

The official Rock Paper Skeleton game decides the fate of a handful of unlucky US Skeleton athletes.

/images/features/10/rps_thumb.jpg 79 In a suprise twist, Eric Bernotas and Katie Uhlaendar won the 2006/2007 US National Championships, an outcome that has not occurred in at least 12 months. On becoming 4-time National Champions, neither athlete had much to say, as they both high-tailed it out of the start house in preparation for their 64-hour flight to Nagano. The federation's travel agent could not be reached for comment. In second place for the men was ex-Olympian and current FIBT world cup leader Zach Lund, who had the fastest downtime of the day (51.00). Lake Placid track record holder Matt Antoine finished in third, as his arm was not quite long enough to break the timing eye for the silver. Chris Hedquist, despite not quite being ready for "the big show", jumped 4 spots for a 6th place finish, just behind John "Crooklyn" Daly, and Adam Donahoo. On the women's side, 2005 World Cup Champion Noelle Pikus placed second, while the homeless Rebecca Sorensen silenced her critics with a bronze medal performance. Rounding out the top 6 were Courtney Yamada, Annie O'Shea, and Keslie Tomlinson. In related news, Kyle Tress pushed a 4.65 and lost by 2.5 seconds. He could not be reached for comment. 2008-09-27T02:33:43-05:00 false 1 11 they both high-tailed it out of the start house in preparation for their 64-hour flight to Nagano. 2008-09-25 usa_nationals_2007

In a suprise twist, Eric Bernotas and Katie Uhlaendar won the 2006/2007 US National Championships

/images/features/11/park_city_thumb.jpg 79 *Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet*, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. 2008-09-15T03:09:08-05:00 false 1 4 /images/features/4/aeroflot.jpg The Boeing Dreamliner outfitted in Aeroflot livery 2008-09-15 aeroflot_begins_service_to_sochi

This is just a test story to play with some renderings. This summary will probably be a little longer for features.

/images/features/4/1024x768.jpg 79 FIBT officials announced today that *Vancouver's new bobsled track* would need to undergo serious repairs to replace several thousand cubes worth of imported ice, which tests have shown to contain almost 99% lead. Track officials claim the ice appeared legitimate, and blamed unscrupulous dealers for misleading them on its quality. "Our Chinese supplier said this was clean, pure dragon-ice from the mountains of China, and the price he quoted was incredibly affordable. I suppose we should have been suspicious when the ice was shipped to us in ingots. He also said that the metal-color was natural for dragon-ice. Turns out it was too good to be true," explained track engineer Peter Martin. The track officials say they will return the faulty ice to China, where it will be *used for paint in children's toys*. "Although it's more expensive, from now on we'll have to use Canadian ice," said Martin. 2008-09-14T20:40:42-05:00 false 1 3 /images/features/3/lead.jpg Angry feminists protest lead-laden ice on the Vancouver Sliding track. Photo Source: Unknown "The track officials say they will return the faulty ice to China, where it will be used for paint in children's toys." 2008-09-14 Vancouver_track_closes_following_lead_scare

Canadian Olympic officials scrambling to repair Vancouver bobsled track after ice imported from China found to be contaminated with lead.

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